


The Lifetime of Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers

by thelayuplesbian



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Captain America: The First Avenger Compliant, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Deaf Clint Barton, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Has A Heart, infinity war doesn't happen, wlw author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-05 16:17:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14622422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelayuplesbian/pseuds/thelayuplesbian
Summary: He's not going to make it out of this war, he knows this. He's seen what it does to people, seen the man upstairs with one leg, heard him scream in the middle of the night riddled with nightmares. Every time he checks the mail he's terrified he'll get drafted. He knows he's taking the cowards way into this war, knows he should go enlist but he can't bring himself to, can't bring himself to abandon Steve.





	1. I fight this war for you.

**Author's Note:**

> I've accidentally deleted this twice. This is the first writing of mine I've ever posted so pls dont roast me.

He's not going to make it out of this war, he knows this. He's seen what it does to people, seen the man upstairs with one leg, heard him scream in the middle of the night riddled with nightmares. Every time he checks the mail he's terrified he'll get drafted. He knows he's taking the cowards way into this war, knows he should go enlist but he can't bring himself to, can't bring himself to abandon Steve. At least Steve won't get drafted, he's too sickly but that doesn't stop him from quite literally breaking the law to try. This war is going to kill him and he's accepted it. Steve's always so sick he can't make it much longer, logically he shouldn't but Steve's always been stubborn. He can't live in a world without Steve which is why he's accepted dying in this war, he won't have to watch Steve go first. He was currently staring at the same page in his book that he's been staring at for the past five minutes thinking about all of this. A wheezing cough pulled him from his thoughts, He glanced up to see Steve in a big black shirt he was sure was his once, boxers, and socks.  
"Buck, I feel like shit." he snorted at that earning a glare, Steve's been down with the flu for a week.  
"Well first of all go put on a jacket or blanket to get warm, it's fucking November and second of all do you want some tea?" Steve narrowed his eyes and flicked him off, he hates being mothered but he goes to get something to keep warm anyways. He sighs and gets up to go boil some water, setting his book down on the coffee table.  
"You check the mail yet?" Steve asks as he wanders back into the kitchen.  
"Not yet. Why? Got a girl writing you?" at that Steve looks unimpressed, girls are a sore spot for him.  
"Bills, Jackass." Oh. Shit he hoped they had enough this month. He finishes making the tea and pours two cups, one with milk for Steve. He goes to check the mail two floors down to find five envelopes, he ignores how his heart pounds. Three bills, one advertisement and- oh god. A letter to James Barnes with DRAFT stamped in big blood red letters, His heart pounds harder now, he knew this was coming but that doesn't make it easier. He folds the letter and shoves it into his back pocket ignoring how bad his hands shook. He wasn't ready to say goodbye to Steve and Becca so he hid from it, like the coward he knew he was.

Four days later found Steve alone at a movie because Bucky ended up staying late at Becca's, he was saying goodbye. He went to pick him up and didn't find him in the cinema. He goes to check the alley and hears grunts and a fist connecting with a face, damn it Steve. He breaks up the fight, kicks the big guys ass and helps Steve up off his. He hands him a paper, the paper saying he's leaving, going off to fight a war he might not ever come back from. He puts his arm around Steve, ignores the way his heart heart clenches when Steve reads the paper and walks them out of the alley.  
"Where are we going?" Bucky had mentioned something about a double date this morning.  
"The future." he was taking Steve and a couple of dames into the city to see Howard Stark and whatever new thing he's invented now. So they went and both girls gravitated towards Bucky, he'd never understand why they didn't see what he saw in Steve. Steve. Fuck. Where did Steve go? He looks around and a recruitment center and a head of blonde hair in it catches his eye. Of fucking course. God this boy will never give up will he? He follows, they argue, the girls call him, and he has to go. He hugs Steve enjoying his warmth.  
"Don't do anything stupid." This isn't goodbye. Not yet. No, that's tomorrow.  
"How can I when your takin all the stupid with you?  
"Punk" I love you.  
"Jerk" I'm sorry I have to go. He goes and dances with the girls, thinks about Steve and drinks so it doesn't all hurt him so bad.

He opens his eyes. He's in his bed in a white tee and boxers. Oh right he'd taken off his uniform and fell to bed last night. He looked across the room and immediately found what he was looking for, Steve. He looked so peaceful and beautiful when he slept. Bucky packed quietly and went to the kitchen for his last breakfast at home.  
"Hey." A gruff voice riddled with sleep made him look up.  
"Morning punk." he tried a smile.  
"Don't do that."  
"Do what?" he ached for Steve.  
"Act like you aren't leaving me today and you might never come home." Steve's voice broke on the last words. His heart fractured more than it already had.  
"I got a war to win."  
"You don't go winnin that war without me." Steve's voice broke more he pointed his finger at him and he shook like a leaf.  
"You don't go dyin on me we got a whole lot of life left to live." He couldn't take it, he wrapped his arms around Steve's waist and tried not to tear up. He failed. Steve pet his hair to soothe him saying it'll be okay over and over like maybe they could believe it.  
"I'll do my best." he whispered at least still choked up.

He's packed now and in his uniform. He looks around their apartment for the last time and sighed. The walk to the train station was quiet, they couldn't bring themselves to talk. There's a train ticket to London in his back pocket that practically burns. He takes Steve in, commits every thing about him to memory even though he has a picture behind Becca's in his watch. He sucks in a breath when they arrive in front of the train that's going to take him away. He realizes, looking at Steve, he doesn't want to die. He hugs Steve for what he promises himself cannot be the last time.  
"You don't get into too many fights okay? I'll send money back and you better use it and not lose our apartment because I'm planning on coming home." He says stern, his voice unwavering and he holds Steve an arms length away by the shoulders. Steve just nods and hugs him again.  
"Please come home." so quiet he almost missed it. He gets on the train. He doesn't look out the window as the train began to move, knew he would run off and stay if he let himself look.

He trains. He fights. He misses Steve. He becomes the best, most reliable sniper the 107'th has seen. He kills men, ruthlessly, thoughtlessly. He hates it. They get taken by an enemy no one saw coming, Hydra. They weren't Nazi's, they were worse. Those who rebelled were killed. He didn't fight. They take men back and use them as lab rats, those men never come back. He hears their screams when he doesn't sleep. He's on the brink of starvation, keeps looking at his watch hoping Steve is okay. They come the next day, the days run together anymore, they take him. He's led to a room with a metal table and restraints. He fights then, he's too weak, he doesn't stop fighting not until they break him, find his weak spot. He has bigger muscles now, he's fed, he's tortured for what he knows, they make him think Steve is saving him over and over again. He hears gun shots the next week (month? year? he doesn't know anymore) He hears gunshots, screams, thumps that have to be bodies hitting the floor. The door slams open, someone comes in. He says his number.  
"Bucky! It's me! It's Steve!" It's not him. They're making him see Steve again, but Steve is bigger, taller, with a shield and a helmet. There's no way  
this is fake. He lets himself believe.  
"Steve?" he tries to smile. Steve hauls him onto his feet and while they run or as close to running as Bucky can get in his state, Steve tells him about the doctor, Hydra, the serum, Captain America.

They go back to camp. Steve just single-handedly led a rescue mission saving some odd 300 maybe 400 soldiers. He always knew Steve was meant for more than Brooklyn. They're in a bar, talking, Steve just convinced Dugan, Morita, Juniper, Sawyer, Falsworth, Dernier, Jones, and Pinkerton to agree to be in a troop captained by him, The Howling Commandos. Bucky can't help but say yes too. He was offered to go home, said he'd think about it. He can't leave Steve, after all someone has to make sure he doesn't get himself killed. He's Steve's sergeant now, won't call him Cap because even though he's a superhero now he'll always that skinny boy with a mouth he couldn't control and a fierceness no one could kill. Dugan pulls him aside one day.  
"You love him, yea sarge?" he's stunned. He stammers. He can't breathe.  
"The captain. Don't tell me you don't, I ain't stupid or blind."  
"Dugan I-I'm not a queer." he gets a smack across the head at that. He's never been more confused.  
"Now you listen here boy, there ain't nothing wrong with who you love!" he whisper yells. He knew he liked Dugan for a reason.  
"Alright! I do but he ain't like that and even if he was I ain't good enough for him!" he breathes hard, startled at his own confession.  
"He loves you too, I know what love looks like Barnes, don't be stupid and lose it!" he leaves with than. He has to go talk to Steve. Now.

He finds Steve sketching in a beat up sketchbook Bucky had bought him in a field with his new vibranium shield, courtesy of Howard next to him. He sits down next to him in the grass, not too close, not yet. He glances over to see what Steve's drawing to find a sketch of him. He bumps his shoulder against his own.  
"Still drawin me after all this time? thought you woulda been tired of that by now."  
"Shut up, Jerk" he scribbles the word jerk above his drawing. He glances into his eyes, baby blue.  
"Dugan thinks I am a homosexual." Steve snorts at that.  
"What does Dum Dum know?"  
"Don't know, seems to think you are too and that we love each other but won't admit it." Steve flushes red.  
"That's insane." his heart plummets.  
"Yeah you're fallin for that dame, Peggy Carter right?" Steve huffs and closes his sketchbook, setting it down next to his shield.  
"Can't fall for her when my heart belongs to someone else, or at least I shouldn't."  
"Wha-" hes cut off my someone yelling 'Cap'.  
"Well I'm needed, I'll see ya later Buck." Steve leaves him sitting alone in a field.

It's that night next time he sees Steve. His big dumb face pops through the front of Bucky's tent. He looks up from his book.  
"Hey Buck." Steve whispers, it's dark out, beginning to get late.  
"Hey Stevie, come on in." so he does and sits across from Bucky, close but not too close.  
"What's goin in? You look about ready to puke." Its true, Steve looks sick. He thought the serum fixed all that.  
"Just... nervous." he whispers the last word. His eyebrow quirks up at that.  
"'bout what?"  
"Have somethin to tell you." oh god. He can feel it, this will break his heart beyond repair.  
"What would that be?" he trusts Steve.  
"I know you aren't like that and Dum Dum is an idiot but I just, I love you and if you love me too I can't keep livin like I don't" Steve says all of this in a whispered rush. He must look like an idiot right now, his jaw has dropped.  
"You know what never mind, forget I even sa-" He's cut off by Bucky crashing his lips against his. It isn't smooth, it's rushed, quick and unsure but it's so them its perfect.  
"I love you too, punk." Maybe everything will be okay after all. He's gotta thank Dugan tomorrow.

-

It's two weeks later now, on a mission to get on a train, and hopefully kidnap a hydra mastermind.  
"You remember that time I made you ride a roller coaster at coney island and you threw up?  
"Yea, why?"  
"Is this payback for that?"  
"Now why would i do that?" Steve flashes him a charming smile and he can't even be pissed for Steve taking on this ridiculous mission. They all zip line onto the train. Bucky and Steve take out men but they miss one. This man has huge guns and shoots Bucky, Steve takes him down, Bucky flew out of the train from the force of the blast. He is gripping onto a railing for dear life when Steve climbs out to the rail to bring him back.  
"Bucky! Take my hand!" Steve screams he can tell hes terrified. He reaches out trying to but Steve slips a little and the rail Bucky is on breaks off. He falls. He sees Steve cry. He wakes up minutes (hours? he can't know he's been unconscious.) being dragged through the snow. He doesn't know who is dragging him or why but he feels pain in his left arm, he looks down to inspect it and it's gone. He blacks out again. The next time he wakes up he is in an operating room and an ugly little man is there, he misses what he says, he chokes the next doctor with his left arm, it's metal now. He is stabbed with a needle and passes out again. He fights, they brainwash him, they tell him Captain America is dead, shows him the proof, that's when he breaks. He kills three men then, trying to escape five more take him down. He gives in after that, doesn't fight anymore, he’s brainwashed and frozen and he doesn't care. The ice is the only relief he gets anymore. Life isn't worth fighting for if- if. Who was that man? He remembers blonde hair, blue eyes, and soft lips. He doesn't know his name but he knows him. There is ice creeping up the chamber, he lets it take him. He slips from consciousness and surrenders to the ice.


	2. The Black Widow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Bucky met Natasha, and saved her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't originally going to introduce Nat like this but I love the idea of her and Bucky knowing each other from their days as assassins. I'll try to update new chapters every day.

He feels the ice slip away. He doesn't know what day it is, even what year it is. His arm aches, he doesn't understand why, he knows he lost that arm in early 1945, January. He opens his eyes to find his handler, a small woman with sharp cheekbones and happy eyes. He doesn't resist, he just takes orders and today his mission is to join the Red Room and recruit soldiers for Hydra. He gears up with his suit and guns, hidden for stealth this time and they send him out. 

A week later he still has yet to infiltrate the Red Room and is camping out down the street from the mansion like building, observing, planning. He enters one day and talks to women with little waists, wrinkled faces, and a murder complex. He's done his research, they let him in, let him train the girls. He favors one fiery redhead more than the rest of the girls, she is eighteen and will graduate soon. He doesn't want her to be forced into this life, be sterilized like they all are for their graduations. He starts to remember, blue eyes, blonde hair. He hasn't been back to his handler in long enough so his memories try to rush back. He's sleeping, dreaming that night, odd as he can"t dream anymore. He is in a ratty apartment in New York, maybe Brooklyn he thinks, there's a skinny blonde boy looking down into his lap. Oh, he's moving his pencil in a sketchbook, he's drawing the asset but younger, smaller, shorter hair, this must be who he was before. The skinny boy looks up at him and smiles.  
"I'm so sorry Buck." The skinny boy changes before his eyes, he's big now, taller, muscular, stronger but his eyes still make him look small. The man reaches over and caresses his cheek.  
"What are you sorry for?" He doesn't know why but he feels something for this man.  
"This." The man whips out a blade and stabs him through his stomach. The asset doesn't try to stop him, even as highly trained as the asset is, he doesn't know why he trusts this man. He wakes up in a puddle of sweat, gasping for air, clutching his stomach where the dream man stabbed him. Who was that man? Why did the nightmare feel so real? He knew him.  
"James!" The redhead whisper shouts in Russian. Right, James, that's the name he'd chosen to go undercover. It felt familiar he didn't know why.  
"Little Widow? Did I wake you?" she shakes her head.  
"Yes, but that's alright." still in Russian. She asks what he was dreaming. He doesn't know why he trusts her but he does, so he tells her.  
"A skinny blonde boy was drawing me, and then he grew suddenly tall and muscular but the same eyes, he apologized to me and then he stabbed me. It felt so real, like betrayal. I know this man, little widow, I don't remember why or how but I-." He cut himself off looking up at her.  
"You love him?" the only thing the asset can do is nod. She exhales, hard.  
"I shouldn't tell you this, no one else knows beside me and I'm assuming your operatives at Hydra, yes I know they sent you to recruit Red Room members. You're name is James Buchanan Barnes, the man in your dream, he's real or rather he was. His name was Steven Grant Rogers, you were best friends. You both joined the army and the way he became big was a serum, and he took on the mantle of Captain America. You were said to have fallen from a train on a mission with him and died. He watched you fall. But you didn't, you survived, you lost your arm and they've brainwashed you, made you forget." the asset is speechless.  
"Steve, that's- that's right. I loved him, they told me he died, it's what broke down the last of my will." Natalia has sympathy and sadness in her eyes.  
"He did, James. He crashed a plane into the ocean to save the world. He died a hero." his heart breaks. They talk some more, she tells him of what she knows about him, about Steven, he has a sister who's still alive, Agent Carter is still alive and she promises she'll never tell anyone. She writes it all down for him. He knows he'll be forced to forget Steve again but for now he has him, in his memories. Natalia leaves and they both sleep.

The next morning 48 girls, all graduating today are taken back to the operating ward. Natalia is first, he can't watch her be wheeled back so he goes to get lunch. He trains four classes today in hand to hand combat, all of the girls have no hope left, are broken down like he's been. He makes a plan then to, with help from Natalia, end the Red Room, tell Hydra the girls began a revolution and he could only get the instructors for hydra. He talks with her that night and they plan, for hours, they will strike tomorrow night, set the girls free. The following day he keeps his cool, acts like nothing is out of the ordinary, trains and teaches Natalia to be an instructor. It's too late for him but he can save these girls. It gets dark and late, they knock out all of the instructors efficiently. They set off the alarms that tell all of the girls to meet in the ballet room. He and Natalia wait and the girls file in.  
"Hello girls, you're being freed, the red room is no more after today." Natalia say confidently.  
"We can only help you get out, once you do run, as far as you can, they've taught you to disappear so you do that now. Go to America, Canada any other country where they can't find you, you find homes and live a life you deserve. You are not weapons for their use, you are children. Go." Bucky tells them all.  
"Why are you doing this?" a small blonde girl that reminds him of Steve asks him.  
"Because it is too late for me, it is not for all of you. Now go." She nods and every single one of the girls flees. Him and Natalia tie up and load the unconscious instructors into the stolen van. Natalia punches one in the eye and the asset, no James quirks his eyebrow up at that.  
"She took me from home and brought me here, plus she took my coffee yesterday." makes sense. He gets in the drivers seat and she in the passenger. He drives for ten minutes and stops.  
"Go little widow. Be free."  
"No James, you can't do this! They will make you forget again, I'm coming with you."  
"No Natalia, it is not too late for you, you are eighteen. You do as I told those girls. Get out of this car and run. Find your way to America. Find a woman named Peggy Carter, fiercest most kind woman I ever knew. She'll help you start a life, tell her you know Bucky Barnes, tell her I am not dead, please little widow, go live a full life. Save yourself while you can." she nods. Before she gets out of the car she leans over and kisses him on the cheek.  
"You get out of there, make it back alive, James I will come for you one day, I am the only Black Widow left after all." she leaves. He drives hours to the nearest Hydra base, he steels himself before he gets out.  
"This is the asset, I have recruits from the Red Room, mission report ready." he speaks into a box outside. The gate opens. He sighs, he knows New York can never be his home again, Natalia said she will come for him he knows Hydra keeps their secrets at any costs, she won't be able to save him. He reads over the paper on Steve one last time and rips it up. Bucky, Peggy, Steve, Howard, Becca, Natalia, New York, War, the Howling Commandos. All of it is wiped from his memory after he explains the revolution of the Red Room and hands over the van with instructors. James Barnes dies again, he is the asset once more, he surrenders to the ice again.


	3. This is when you save me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain America was found in the ice, alive. He woke up to find a world he didn't know and a hole in his heart the shape of one James Barnes. The asset is woken up for a mission. Shit goes down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roughly describing the events of CA:TWS from Bucky's POV. Oof two chapters in one day? The russo brothers could NEVER.

He's woken up again, he is ready to comply, ready to kill whoever he needs to, to go back in the ice. He is given a list of names.  
-Samuel Wilson  
-Nicholas Fury  
-Natasha Romanoff  
-Maria Hill  
-Steve Rogers  
He doesn't care. Just faceless names he'll put a bullet through and go back to the ice. He gears up with his suit, mask, goggles, and weapons. They send him off to New York. He tracks Nicholas Fury first, watches as Hydra disguised as cops fails to take him down, he flips the car and walks to check is Fury is dead. He finds him gone and a hole in the car and concrete. He won't get far since he is injured, he will go to someone he trusts and Hydra has informed the asset Fury trusts Steve Rogers. He goes to get cleaned up before he goes to find Fury and Rogers, might as well take them out in one shot if it'll get him back frozen sooner. Three hours later, it's dark and he is perched on a roof with his gun watching the apartment, waiting for the other target to enter. He watches the idiot climb in through the window, no doubt aware someone is in his apartment. He silently goes to the rooftop of the apartment the targets are in. He lets them talk, he hears silence, he takes this as his opportunity and he shoots through the wall to rip through Nicholas Fury's gut, a woman barges in before he gets the chance to kill the other target so he runs. The target is chasing him now, he throws a shield at him, the asset catches it looks at him, no goggles because he can't see in the dark with them, throws it back and jumps. His heart is pounding, those stunning blue eyes of the target confuse him. He shakes it off, finds his motorcycle and goes back to the Hydra base. 

Nick Fury is pronounced dead. The rest of the targets will see him coming now. He gets a message on his burner phone that simply states; 'Agent Sitwell has been compromised. Add to target list, he is with Rogers, Wilson, and Romanoff.' Good. The bastard starved him for a week for missing a target. Asshole, the target was a fucking child. He gets four agents to be in the car he'll sit on to take him to take out these targets. He sees the car so he jumps silently onto the roof of the car next to them and rips Agent Sitwell out of the window, throwing him into traffic going the opposite way. He hears them yell, he rips out the steering wheel and starts shooting, the redhead knows how to avoid his bullets, odd. He flips the car and they skid out on a car door and the shield that was thrown at him earlier. The next few minutes are a blur, he works and fights like he's done a million times before but something is different, nagging at him, he ignores it. He tries to blow up Romanoff but shit, she tricked him with a voice recording and is choking him, he throws her off. Rogers comes for him now, they fight and he is a good match for the asset but he has to die. The target knocks his mask off.  
"Bucky." Whoa. What the fuck? He knows that name. Is that someone he's killed? Maybe. Why is the target calling him this?  
"Who the hell is Bucky?" Hydra is here now, cops are here, S.H.I.E.L.D. is here, he has to leave so he disappears, a fight failed. He goes back to base, his arm is damaged thanks to the Black Widow. They are working on his arm and he has a daydream. (A memory?) A doctor is calling him sergeant Barnes and has a drill, the man from the bridge screams "Bucky, No!." and he's falling, a solider drags him through the snow, he has no left arm, the doctor is talking, they cut his arm, replaces it with a metal one, calls him the new fist of hydra, and he's put on ice. He can't take it and he punches the man working on his arm. He hears them call him unstable and erratic. Alexander Pierce enters.  
"Mission report." he says nothing to him.  
"Mission report, now." he says nothing still, just stares at a point behind him. Pierce slaps him across the face.  
"The man on the bridge. Who was he?" he can't shake the target out of his head, he remembers him.  
"You met him earlier this week on assignment." He's seen him before that though.  
"I knew him." Pierce backs up and tells him his work has been a gift to mankind, that he's shaped the century, and that he needs to do it again.  
"But I knew him." he doesn't want to kill anymore, they'll make him.  
"Prep him." Pierce tells the doctor. The doctor argues he has been out of the ice too long.  
"Then wipe him and start over." Pierce is ruthless, he doesn't know why he trusted him to talk about the man on the bridge. They push him back into the chair, gives him something to bite on, and wipes him again. He screams.

He is the asset. He exists to kill and shape the future. He is sent to S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters to stop and kill the targets. He throws the Captain off, knowing he caught something and didn't plummet like he was supposed to. He see's the bird man from earlier flying to place a chip, he catches his wing and rips it off. He goes after Rogers who is attempting to place the final chip, he beats him there and stands silent and still. They fight, Steve places the chip after the asset shoots him, the Captain tries to convince the asset he is his friend, he refuses to believe such nonsense. The carrier is shot by the other two and shoots them, destroying the ships and making debris rain. He is trapped under something metal and heavy, and the Captain helps him out from under it.  
"You know me." he is lying.  
"No I don't!" he yells and throws a punch.  
"Bucky, you've known me your whole life." The asset lands another punch. He is starting to want to believe this man.  
"Your name is James Buchanan Barnes."  
"Shut up!" he yells and punches again. His thoughts are being invaded. The man takes off his helmet.  
"I'm not gonna fight you." He drops his shield out of the carrier. "You're my friend." No. It's not true. Can't be. The asset does not have friends. He tackles the man, it's all he can think of doing.  
"You're my mission. He lands a punch. The man doesn't fight back. He punches him again and again and again and as he is about to make the final punch-  
"Then finish it, cause I'm with you till the end of the line." His eyes go wide. He knows that. Why does he know that? Why is this man familiar? Why did those words break through his training? Something falls on the glass they are on and shatters it, the man falls, the soldier, the asset? he doesn't know but he holds on and watches the man fall, it makes his stomach twist, this man can't die. He jumps after him into the water and saves him. He doesn't know why but something tells him to protect this man, at all costs, so he drags him out of the lake and leaves him on the sand so someone will find him. He has to run now, Hydra has fallen, S.H.I.E.L.D. has fallen, he is not the asset, he knows that man and he will find him again he promises the universe. Steve Rogers is the mans name, he will not forget that this time.


	4. There's a robot trying to end the world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky during the events of Avengers: Age of Ultron. He's on the run and learning who he used to be and who he can be again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on such a roll I need them to have their happy ending already.

He is somewhere in Russia, a small town he's been hiding out in. He has a small apartment with a mattress he stole, a laptop he stole, a backpack he got from the homeless shelter, a TV he stole, and journals he's collected since he ran. Some are filled already, he writes his memories, anything and everything he remembers. One journal is dedicated to facts such as: his name was, no, is James Buchanan Barnes, Bucky for short, his best friend was Steve Rogers who is now Captain America, he fought in World War II as did Steve, Steve's an idiot, Steve crashed a plane and slept for seventy years and so on. He knows Steve and bird man, who he's learned is called Sam Wilson or The Falcon, have been following him since the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. and Hydra, he hasn't let them find him yet, he isn't ready. He finishes his entry in his journal, he's just remembered a man named Howard Stark, he used to admire him for his inventions, hate him for making Steve the Captain, and he killed him and his wife in 1991. They had a son, his name is Anthony, he's a superhero now and he knows Steve. He sighs and flips on the news, he likes knowing what is happening. There is a story on every channel he tries about Sokovia. A robot invented by none other than Howard's son and the huge green man Steve also knows, is trying to end the world. Great.

He watches for hours and only stops to use the restroom and get food, it's hard to remember to eat some days but he keeps himself alive. Sokovia is lifted into the sky and they say if it falls the whole world will be wiped out. He sees Steve fighting next to other superheros such as Thor (he's a literal god what the fuck), a guy with arrows they call hawkeye, the hulk, falcon, war machine, an android, a witch, a really fast blur, iron man and- and Natalia. He remembers her. He scrambles for his notebook to write his memory. He remembers her at eighteen, she helped him remember, they ended the Red Room, he saved her, she is the last Black Widow. He writes under this to look up or ask her, one day, about the girls they freed. He will see her in time, if the world doesn't end today. 

He sees Steve get hit by a robot, he flinches, Steve ruthlessly rips the bot apart using his shield, the one Howard made so long ago.The battle looks to be close to it's end. They show the Iron Man and the God Man blowing up Sokovia in the air after everyone they can save is saved. He releases a breath, they won. The world isn't ending today and he can go back to remembering, back to healing and learning. He'll go back to Steve soon, he still loves him, he hopes Steve loves him still too. Ultron is not a threat any longer. He watches the news more, they talk about how Tony Stark almost ended the world, again, about the people that died, and most of all they thank the Avengers for saving the world again. He eats dinner thinking about Natalia, he misses her terribly and is excited to see her once again. He packs his things, he is moving to New York soon, he misses Brooklyn and needs to visit the because he saw online he's in there. He goes to sleep, a knife under his pillow and a gun under the one next to him, he is a highly trained assassin the government and what is left of Hydra is after but there is a picture of Steve on his nightstand, he may be deadly but he still has a heart.


	5. I'm coming home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A man bombs the UN with facial prosthetics looking like him so he is blamed for it. Steve comes to the rescue. T'challa is the sweetest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cool cool cool cool cool cool cool. Brooklyn 99 got picked up for season 6 by nbc and I'm hella happy so here's another chapter. Also like I watched Civil War as i wrote this so its pretty accurate event wise.

He flips on the TV to see what is happening. A report is on about Lagos, something about Scarlett Witch going rogue. He's sure there's more to it than that because he's researched her, her name is Wanda Maximoff she was born in Sokovia, Tony Stark killed her parents and Ultron killed her brother, yet through all of it she uses her powers for good and has saved more people than she's hurt. She has been through a lot, so has he so he empathizes with her. The fight is at the point now it will turn for Steve or for- oh god. Crossbones. Rumlow. He knows him, that man brainwashed him and beat him. He hopes Natalia will kill him. The camera is far away but focuses on Steve and Rumlow fighting, Rumlow tries to stab him and fails, Steve walks up to Rumlow who's on his knees.  
"You know he remembered you, your pal, your buddy, your Bucky." It isn't very clear but his name is unmistakable.  
"What did you say?" Steve no, he's trying to break you, you can't let him.  
"He remembered you, I was there, he got all weepy about it until they put his brain back in a blender. He wanted you to know something, he said to me, "Tell Rogers when you gotta go, you gotta go." BULLSHIT. HE NEVER SAID ANYTHING CLOSE TO THAT TO RUMLOW. What he says next no one hears except Steve. He tries to blow him and Steve up but Wanda contains the blast to focus on him and throws him into a building. Bucky can't watch anymore he flips off the TV. Wanda didn't mean to kill those people, he can tell and so can everyone with a brain who saw the camera focus on Wanda's horrified look after she realized what she'd done. 

He opens his laptop and looks up MIT, Tony Stark, live donation. He watches a young tony say goodbye to his parents and give an amazing speech about his donation. Good, he's glad Tony is living a good life and his stomach twists at the thought that he's the reason Tony is an orphan. He closes his laptop and turns to some random channel. He flips the channel again to some stupid sitcom and gets up off his mattress to make lunch. He makes a sandwich with cracked pepper turkey, American cheese and mayo. Food was odd in the 21'st century but he was learning to accept it. He settles down into a chair and eats. Today will be boring as all he needs to do is go grocery shopping. Budapest is beautiful but it's no New York, he's been researching that lately, home. He wonders if he'll ever go back. He thinks about this as he eats, he wonders if they'll let him become an Avenger, he wonders if Tony will try to kill him when he finds out Bucky killed his parents. Howard. Oh god Howard. He remembers the man, the first time he saw Howard was a double date to see a flying car he thinks and he met Howard after Steve saved him the first time. The next time he saw him he was working on a car, Bucky was always interested in tech but was too poor to learn anything. "You just gonna stand there or are you gonna let me teach you somethin?" Howard called out from where he was working in a car hood. "Oh, uh sure. I didn't know you were here." "S'okay Barnes bring me that water as you're comin over." he nodded and picked up the water. They talked about cars for a while. "So, you got a thing for Agent Carter?" Howard huffed a laugh. "Yea maybe, she doesn't want an arrogant ass like me. She's got a thing for your Captain after all." "My Captain?" "Yeah, you know Steve? Rogers? Captain America? Man you love?" he sputtered at that. "I do not- I am not- how could you even think-" Howard cut him off. "S'okay sarge, I ain't no stranger to feelin something for a man." he winked at him. "Yeah, okay okay, maybe I do. But Steve ain't like us and he's too good for-" he was cut off by a kiss. Things escalated quickly after that, Howard shoving him in the back of the car he was working on. "You ever done this before?" Howard had whispered. "Once." They go back to kissing and just, shit goes down. They didn't get caught, they cleaned up after and never spoke of it again. It was really just a way to blow off steam, he'd heard of soldiers doing the saw thing. He shakes himself out of his memory, shivering. He didn't write that memory down, scared of who would find out. He didn't know if it was okay to be queer these days so he kept his mouth shut. 

A couple days later he looks at his laptop. He sees an article about Peggy, he thinks what on earth would Peg be doing at this age. Oh. Oh no. He clicks on the article it reads; 'Margaret Carter founder of S.H.I.E.L.D. has passed in her sleep, we thank you for your service and dedication Agent Carter.' His heart breaks, he knew they were old and that their friends would die but it doesn't make it easier to lose them. He saw her while he was on the run, he looked her up and went to visit her nursing home.  
"I'm here to see Mrs. Peggy Carter please." he had said to the man at the front. The man nodded and went to ask if she wanted a visitor.  
"Oh, of course is it Steve?"  
"No his name is-."  
"Bucky." he had cut in. Peggy gasped.  
"James! I read the other day on a note from Steve you were alive!" she didn't sound as shocked as he thought she'd be.  
"Yeah Peg, it's me. I've missed you." They talked for hours, she forgot him a few times and he sympathized, he's been only learning to remember.  
His stomach pulled him out of his thoughts, it growled. He needed to go to the market, but he could do that later. He makes some pasta, like Becca used to. He eats and goes to the market. He buys fruits and vegetables and meats and all sorts of things. After he buys his plums he goes to cross the street and sees a man staring at him, he goes to the man but he runs so he looks at the paper. Shit. They're blaming him for the recent UN bombing that killed the king of Wakanda. He has to get the hell out, he goes to his apartment. Steve is there, he doesn't know how he found him but that's not important, it's Steve.  
"Do you know me?"  
"You're Steve, I read about you in a museum." he lied.  
"I know you're nervous, you have every reason to be, but you're lying."  
"I wasn't in Vienna, I don't do that anymore." Steve needs to believe him.  
"Well the people that think you did are coming here now and they're not planning on taking you alive." He hears footsteps on the stairs outside and from above.  
"This doesn't have to end in a fight Buck." Oh Steve, how wrong you can be.  
"It always ends in a fight." he takes off his glove.  
"You pulled me from the river, why?" because I love you jackass.  
"I don't know."  
"Yes you do." A gas bomb breaks the window. They fight. He knocks Steve down and gets his bag.  
"I'm not gonna kill anyone." They get shot at and Steve protects him with the shield. He breaks down the door and fights his way through the men with Steve following. He runs down a hall and jumps onto the roof of the next building. Someone knocks him down, it's a man? in a cat suit? And he's trying to kill him now, great, what else is new. The Falcon knocks down the helicopter shooting at them and he uses that as his chance to throw off the cat man and jump down. He runs and jumps onto a freeway, Steve and the cat man still chasing him. He runs over cars and Steve is in one behind him somewhere. He runs to the other side of the road to avoid the cops and steals and turns someones motorcycle. He drives with Steve on his tail and the cat man jumps on him, he chokes him and turns his motorcycle back up right. The wall blows up and the cat man who he thinks just flew knocks him off his bike and Steve flips a car and tackles the cat man off of him. There are cops all around them now and the War Machine.  
"Stand down, now." War Machine tells them.  
"Congratulations Cap, you're a criminal." The men arrest him and the cat man takes his helmet off, revealing him to be the current king of Wakanda. They arrest Steve, Falcon, and the King. This is gonna be a much more eventful day than he planned.

They take him to Berlin, he is restrained in a glass box. Steve, Falcon, and the King are in a different car. They get there and Steve walks by, he looks back at him as he walks away. They take him back into a room empty except him, a table, and chair. He waits, and they plug his cage into something so the lights come on, he sees a camera in the corner, he hopes Steve can watch him. A therapist comes in.  
"Hello Mr. Barnes, I've been sent by the United Nations to evaluate you. Do you mind if I sit?" he says nothing.  
"Your first name is James?"  
"I'm not here to judge you, I just want to ask you a few questions. Let's start with who you are, James." nothing.  
"I can't help you if you don't talk to me, James."  
"My name is Bucky." He asks more questions, he answers.  
"Tell me Bucky, you've seen a great deal haven't you?"  
"I don't wanna talk about it."  
"You feel that if you open your mouth the horrors might never stop." The therapist looks at something on a tablet. "Don't worry, we only have to talk about one." The power goes out.  
"What the hell is this?"  
"Why don't we discuss your home? Not Romania, certainly not Brooklyn no. I mean your real home." He pulls out the red notebook, the one with the words to turn him back into the asset. He starts to read the words.  
"No, stop." he clenches his fists.  
"Stop." he reads more. He screams and begins to break down the door. He punches the door off.  
"Soldier?" in Russian.  
"Ready to comply." he is the asset once more.  
"Mission report, December 16th, 1991." he tells him, and knocks out the men. The blonde man enters and holds the therapist by his jacket against a wall.  
"What do you want?"  
"To see an empire fall." That is his queue and he takes down the bird man. He fights the blonde man and throws him down an elevator shaft. The asset leaves and enters the cafeteria, he takes down anyone in his way. He is blasted by the Iron Man. They fight and he knocks him down, a blonde woman hits him and a red head hits him again,]. He takes the blonde woman down and the red head tries to choke him with her legs, he slams her down on a table and chokes her.  
"You could at least recognize me." A black man hits him and he knocks him over and goes up the stairs. The man follows and throws both of them down the stairs. The man kicks the asset against a wall and he falls, he runs. He goes to the roof and steals a helicopter, the blonde man runs after and grabs on to the bottom of the helicopter. He tries to drag him down and the man grabs onto the rail. The asset crashes the helicopter onto the roof. He chokes the man through the window and they accidentally push the helicopter into the water. He passes out.

He wakes up. His arm is trapped and he doesn't know where he is.  
"Hey Cap!" The falcon yells.  
"Steve." ow.  
"Which Bucky am I talking to?"  
"Your moms name was Sarah, you used to wear newspapers in your shoes." he huffs a laugh.  
"Can't read that in a museum."  
"So just like that we're supposed to be cool?" the Falcon chimes in.  
"What did i do?"  
"Enough." Steve answers.  
"Oh god, I knew this would happen, everything that Hydra put inside me is still there. All he had to do was say the goddamn words."  
"Who is he?"  
"I don't know." he's never seen that man.  
"People are dead, the bombing, the setup, the doctor did all that just to get ten minutes with you. I need you to do better than 'I don't know.'"  
"He wanted to know about Siberia. Where I was kept. He wanted to know exactly where."  
"Why would he need to know that?"  
"Cause I'm not the only Winter Soldier." he tells them about crashing someones car and killing them to get a briefcase out of the truck. It had super solider serum. He tells them it was the Stark's. He tells them what it did to people, made them more deadly than him. He fought them, they could beat him. They rebelled and killed doctors. He was instructed to get an agent out of there. He did and locked them in. He tells them what they can do. They talk about who can help and they come up with one of Sam's friends, Clint, and Wanda. Sam makes a call for Clint to pick them up and meet at an airport. Steve calls Sharron to bring Sam's Wings, his shield and Bucky's suit. They steal or borrow as Steve insists, a car. 

Half an hour into the drive Sam insists they pull over because he needs to pee and wants snacks. As they are waiting in the car for him to come back he decides to speak.  
"Steve."  
"Yeah Buck?"  
"I'm sorry all of this happened, and it's all my fault and -"  
"It's not your fault, none of this is. You didn't choose to fall and you didn't choose to be brainwashed. You are good if a little broken but that's okay because I-"  
"You what Steve?"  
"Never mind." and Sam comes back. They drive and meet the blonde lady he almost killed earlier.  
"Can you move your seat up?"  
"No." well damn, Sam doesn't like him. He watches Steve and Sharon talk, Sharon looks at him as he scoots over. Steve kisses her, he smiles through it, maybe he imagined Steve loving him too. They head to the airport and park two spaces away from a white van.  
"Cap." Hakweye says. He, Steve and Wanda talk. Clint wakes up some man that meets Steve, his name is Scott Lang and he's kind of a goof. Sam calls him a tic tac.  
"We should get moving." an alarm sounds.  
"They're evacuating the airport." Bucky tells them since he's the only one that understands the language. They suit up and Steve meets and talks to Tony, War Machine, and the cat man.  
"What's the cat mans name?" he asks Sam as they wait.  
"Black Panther." There's a guy in a red and blue suit who steals Steve's shield. Sam finds the quinjet and tells Steve as much. Ant-man attacks the Spider-man and Black panther tries to come for Bucky but Steve stops him. There's a guy on the wall.  
"What the hell is that?"  
"Everyone's got a gimmick now." They fight the spider-man, he talks a lot. He threw a punch at him and he blocks it, like full on grabs his arm and holds it. He isn't surprised, he knows the arm isn't like vibranium or anything but he hears the spiderling talk and oh god, he's just a kid. Tony has lost his mind, he's got a kid fighting his battles.. The kid takes Sam down and he tries to tackle the kid, knocking him and Sam down. Sam gets red-wing and swings the kid away.  
"You couldn't have done that earlier?"  
"I hate you." is Sam's only response. They get up and meet with the rest of the team. Vision draws a line in the ground with the stone. He tells them to surrender. Iron mans team joins. Steve walks towards them and starts running. They all fight. The Panther fights him and they choke each-other.  
"I didn't kill your father."  
"Then why did you run?" I don't know asshole because a cat man was trying to kill me??? The panther pries his arm away and they fight more. Wanda stops the king from slicing his throat. He knew he liked her. Steve fights the spider-ling kid, Sam fights War Machine, Clint fights Iron Man and shoots Scott into his suit.  
"We gotta go, that guy's probably in Siberia by now."  
"We gotta draw them out, I'll take vision, you get to the jet." Sam interrupts and tells him to go with Bucky, Clint says for us to win this some of us might have to lose. He looks at Steve. Sam and Scott plan a diversion.  
"He's gonna tear himself in half?" what the ever loving fuck? Oh my god Scott is really really big now. They run towards the jet while Scott fucks shit up. Scott stops the panther from getting to them but is shot with missiles so Clint takes over. They keep running and Vision tries to block the way but Wanda keeps the debris from falling. Something happens and she drops it but they make it through. Natalia stuns the king and tells them to go, he reminds himself to talk to her later since she too will be on the run. They lift off and the war machine, and iron man follow the jet. Sam follows them and Vision tries to hit Sam but he ducks and he hits Rhodey. No. No one is supposed to die. Rhodey falls and Tony and Sam go after him. He has to be okay. They're too far to see anymore.  
"What's gonna happen to your friends?" he asks Steve.  
"Whatever it is, I'll deal with it."  
"I don't know if I'm worth all this Steve." Steve looks back at him.  
"What you did all those years, it wasn't you, you didn't have a choice."  
"I know, but I did it." he tries not to tear up. They fly for a few minutes in silence.  
"I visited Peg, a while ago." he tells Steve.  
"She told me, said you looked like a ghost." he snorts at that.  
"To be fair, she wasn't wrong. I sort of didn't remember to eat sometimes." he gets a glare.  
"Don't look at me like that, Mr. "I don't need chicken noodle soup because I'm not sick." even when the doctor and five people in our building agreed you were."  
"Yeah, I guess I was kind of stubborn back then."  
"Kind of?" he's truly unimpressed.  
"Hey, I'm not the one who told Dugan I had a dame back home, that was you."  
"That's what he told you?" he huffs a laugh. "Goddamn Dum Dum Dugan."  
"What does that mean?"  
"Alright I may not remember everything but I remember him confrontin me and tellin me I loved you and I argued for like a minute and gave in and told him."  
"Goddamn Dugan, did the same shit to me."  
"Yea?"  
"Yea, least we were happy there for a little." he makes a tiny nod. They fly in silence until they land. Bucky gets one of Natalia's guns and they open the jet.  
"Remember when we got to ride in the back of that freezer truck from rock-away beach?" Steve says as they look into the snow.  
"Was that the time we didn't have enough money to buy hotdogs?"  
"You blew three bucks trying to win a stuffed animal for a redhead."  
"What was her name again?"  
"Dolores, you called her dot." he smiles at that.  
"She's gotta be a hundred years old by now."  
"So are we pal." Steve pats his shoulder. They walk out and enter the building. They stand too close in the elevator, he can count Steve's eyelashes if he tried. He doesn't because he's too terrified of the fight waiting. The elevator opens and he goes first, Steve behind him. They hear a bang as they're going up the stairs. He aims his gun towards the noise and Steve has his shield ready. The door is pried open, it's Iron Man. Tony takes off his helmet.  
"You seem a little defensive."  
"It's been a long day." Steve replies.  
"At ease solider, I'm not currently after you." He doesn't listen. Looking Tony in the eye reminds him of what he did to his parents.  
"Why are you here?" Steve asks him.  
"Because maybe your story's not so crazy. Maybe. Ross has no idea I'm here and I'd like to keep it that way. Otherwise I gotta arrest myself."  
"That sounds like a lot of paper work." Tony huffs a laugh and smiles.  
"It's good to see you, Tony."  
"You too, Cap. Manchurian Candidate you're killin me here. Truce here, you can drop your weapon." Steve waves to agree so he lowers his gun, still unsure. They venture deeper in, Tony leading.  
"We got heat signatures." Tony tells them.  
"How many?"  
"Uh, one." Now he's confused. They enter the big room and the lights of the chambers flicker on.  
"If it's any comfort, they died in their sleep." A voice says. He walks to see one of the men shot in the head.  
"Did you really think I wanted more of you?" the voice again.  
"What the hell?" he hoists his gun up more. The voice talks more. A light flickers on in a window and Steve throws his shield at it. The doctor says something really creepy about Steve's eyes.  
"You're Sokovian. Is this what this is about?"  
"Sokovia was a failed state long before you blew it to hell. No, I'm here because I made a promise."  
"You lost someone." It wasn't a question.  
"I lost everyone and so will you. An empire toppled by it's enemies can rise again, but one which crumbles from within, that's dead, forever." he flicked on a video of a road.  
"I know that road. What is this?" Tony yelled the end of that. The video plays, he sees a car crash and a motorcycle drive up to the scene. He looks down, he knows how it ends. He hears Howard call him sergeant Barnes and Maria call for Howard. He hears him kill Howard and then Maria with a blank stare. He shoots the camera. Tony turns to fight him. He feels himself crying. Steve grabs him.  
"Did you know?"  
"I didn't know it was him." a lie.  
"Don't bullshit me Rogers, Did. You. Know." and after a beat.  
"Yes." Tony punches Steve and turns to fight him. He has him pinned down and Steve throws his shield. He knocks Steve out of the way and ties his feet and hands together. He goes back to trying to kill him, he crushes his hand, he aims a missile at Bucky that hits the wall. Steve breaks free. They're knocked down by debris.  
"Get out of here." he nods and opens the roof. He hears Steve say it wasn't him, Hydra had control of his mind. He knocked off Steve and flies up to him, he throws him. Steve hits him.  
"He's not gonna stop, Go." Steve tells him. He goes back to climbing and hears Steve drag Tony down. He almost reaches it when Tony shoots a missile at the hinge. He grabs a pole to fight him with.  
"Do you even remember them?" Tony has him in a headlock.  
"I remember all of them." They fly down, Steve tackles them and Tony drops him on the side. He groans. Steve and Tony fall.  
"This isn't gonna change what happened." Steve doesn't want this fight.  
"I don't care, he killed my mom." and your dad but he doesn't chime in. Tony lunges for Steve and they fight. He looks up and sees the shield. He hits tony with it and he and Steve fight him. Tony blasts Steve against a wall so he punches and punches until he has him backed against a wall. He tries to crush the arc reactor and Tony's mask. Tony blows his arm off and blasts him as he kneels. Steve goes at him with the shield and blocks his next blast. He lays on the ground, beaten bloody and aching. Steve hits ruthlessly with his shield, not stopping, aiming to kill. Tony stops the shield and blasts him. He hits him in the stomach, Steve falls.  
"He's my friend."  
"So was I." another hit and another and Steve is down.  
"Stay down, final warning." but Steve gets up.  
"I can do this all day." Stubborn asshole. He pulls Tony's leg to distract him, Tony kicks him and Steve lifts Tony up and throws him down. He hits him with his hands and then his shield and then finally hits his arc reactor. He doesn't kill him, thank god. Steve removes the shield and goes to pick Bucky up. He helps him and puts his one arm around his shoulder, Steve supporting him at his waist.  
"That shield doesn't belong to you. You don't deserve it. My father made that shield." Steve stops and drops the shield. He helps him up the stairs and they walk, slowly but surely out to the jet. 

"Steve. You should've let him kill me. I deserve it after all I-" hes cut off by Steve pressing a finger to his lips.  
"I've lost you so many times Buck. I'm not planning on doing it again. I love you more than anything and I can't-" he chokes on a sob.  
"I can't do it again." Tears fall now. He wipes them away. He pulls him down into a hug.  
"I love you too, I'm not goin anywhere you big dummy." He kisses him then.  
"Are you two done? We have matters to discuss!" the king yells. They didn't know he was there.  
"Your highness." Steve bows.  
"None of that, I have come to apologize." he shares a confused look with Steve. "Do not look so surprised. I have learned Zemo killed my father and not you Mr. Barnes, I am taking him to secretary Ross and I have come with an offer. My sister is the smartest person alive, smarter than Mr. Stark and Mr. Banner she can fix you, I have already called and asked. I invite you into Wakanda to heal." they're jaws have dropped. Bucky nods.  
"Yes your highness that would be amazing." Steve says. The king walks forward and shakes both their hands.  
"Call me T'challa, both of you." He smiles at Bucky. He's so happy he could cry, he has a chance not to be as broken as he is now. So they fly to a coordinate T'challa gave them, in a forest in Africa and wait for him. He comes an hour later, from dropping off the fake Doctor. He calls in the radio of the yet.  
"Follow me and I will lead you into my kingdom." his voice crackles through.  
"Copy that, we have eyes on you." Steve says and lifts the jet up and follows the king, they are about to crash into trees when suddenly they are transported into a whole different world.  
"So this is Wakanda." Steve's amazed. They follow the king onto a landing strip where medics and a lot of women who could kill him and two less threatening women stand. They exit and meet with T'challa and the two non threatening women and one very threatening woman.  
" My Mother, Sister, and General." he salutes the last one with his arms crossed. "This is-  
"Captain America and THE Winter Solider also known as my new patient! Hello, my name is Shuri I am the sister to this fool and the princess of Wakanda." the young girl says. They shake her hand.  
"Nice to meet you, princess." he says when she shakes his.  
"Oh, I like him brother." They all laugh at that  
"Hello, I am T'challa's mother as he said, we welcome you." They shake her hand too.  
"This is Okoye, she is my general, leader of the Dora Milaje who are right here and the protectors of Wakanda." They greet her and shake hands.  
"Come now broken white boy, my brother must speak with your boyfriend." Bucky flushes red and follows her. She cleans his wounds and gives him clothes to change into. They're taking his vitals when Steve walks in, changed and clean too.  
"You sure about this?" referring to him going into cryo-sleep until Shuri figures out how to fix him. It's not forever and it won't take too terribly long she promised.  
"I can't trust my own mind." he smiles. "So until they figure out how to get that stuff outta my head I think going under is the best thing, for everybody." Steve hugs him then. They strap him in five minutes later and the ice creeps in. He slips away but he isn't dreading waking up this time. He overheard Steve putting together a plan to rescue his friends from the raft prison and T'challa agreed and would help. Maybe everything would be okay after all.


	6. Love revived

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set one month after the last chapter. Bucky is woken up, Shuri has found a cure and her name is Wanda Maximoff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tbh this isn't like at all MCU compliant bc the MCU pisses me off this is fluff and happiness and a little angst but its fine they're in love. Also like I love Laura and the kids but they don't exist in this, neither does brucetasha. clintasha forever hoes.

The ice slips away. He's scared, he thinks he is going to be forced to kill more people then he sees Shuri. He remembers his life and he takes a deep breath.  
"We have found a cure to remove the trigger words, we must enlist the help of Wanda Maximoff for it." Shuri tells him.  
"Has she agreed?" he's worried now.  
"Happily as soon as she heard your boyfriend say you needed her help. Steve broke the four people out of prison, got in touch with Black Widow and they are all staying in the castle for the time being, until you get to go home to New York if you'd like." he smiles. Even with all this shit he's been through his life is maybe turning up for the better.  
"Now I have spoken to Vision, yes Vision as he has sort of abandoned Mr. Stark in his love for Wanda, and he says that we will be able to erase the trigger words but trying to erase anything else such as memories of your days as the Winter Soldier and PTSD caused by it. We will be able to get you medicine to help cope but you may experience nightmares."  
"That's alright. I dealt with it back in my days in the war." he smiles sadly.  
"Alright well I will go get Wanda and Steve. I know he misses you. He came in here and moped around and talked to you a lot."  
"Thank you princess."  
"Anytime my good dude." she shoots him finger guns. He quirks his eyebrow up at that.  
"My good dude?"  
"I will teach you the ways of social media and memes in due time Mr. Barnes."  
"You can call me Bucky." she smiles, nods, and leaves. He takes a sip of the water sat next to him and rubs his eyes. The door cracks open to reveal a smiling Steve.  
"Hi." he whispers. Steve smiles, rushes towards him and envelops him in a hug.  
"I missed you so much." Steve whispers and then kisses the side of his face.  
"I missed you too punk." Steve huffs a laugh at that. A knock on the door gets their attention.  
"Hello boys, are we interrupting something?" Wanda says for her, Shuri, and wow. Vision. He shakes his head. Wanda walks over to him and hugs him, he makes a startled noise. She pulls back and smiles.  
"It is good to meet you when we are not about to fight a war." he huffs a laugh at that.  
"It is nice to meet you under nicer conditions too, Wanda. and you, Vision. No hard feelings?"  
"Of course not Mr. Barnes." Shuri elbows him and whispers something. "Oh excuse me, Bucky." Shuri smiles sheepishly. Steve's hand has found its way into his while Shuri and Vision explain what will be happening.  
"You will need to be off the ice for one week before we attempt this. So get out of my lab, all of you except Vision we have matters to speak of, and enjoy your week. I will see you tomorrow to check on your physical health." he smiles, gets up and hugs her.  
"Thank you Princess."  
"No problem Bucky." she smiles and shoos them away. Wanda says she is going to train with Clint and will see them later. Steve holds his hand again and takes him to his room.  
"You want a shower? You're freezing."  
"Steve I was just in ice a little under an hour ago, course I'm freezing. and god yes I haven't had a proper shower since Budapest. Do you have any clothes I can borrow?" Steve smiles and goes to grab a pile of clothes out of his closet and socks out of his drawer.  
"We'll get you some in your size soon, these might be a little big." he huffs a laugh.  
"God I used to be the one saying that." They smile at each-other. Bucky goes and showers, he takes an hour and washes his hair with this shampoo that smells of coconut and conditioner to match and a body wash that smells like Kiwi he thinks. He steps out, dries off and puts on his clothes. They are a little big but they smell like Steve so it's alright. He comes out to find Steve watching TV.  
"Oh! I love friends!" He says excitedly as he hops on the bed next to Steve pulling on the hoodie at the end of the bed. Steve looks at him funny. "Well what do you think I was doing for two years, I know pop culture, kind of."  
"That's not why I was lookin at you, ya dork."  
"Why were you looking at me then?"  
"I just, I haven't seen that smile in so long, I missed it." he nearly whispers. Bucky scoots closer and leans so his face is closer to Steve.  
"I think it missed you too." He whispered and Steve leaned in and kissed him. He sighs contentedly. They settle in, watch friends, and eat some Pizza which is quite honestly a gift to mankind. He fell asleep with his head on Steve's chest around two o'clock and woke up an hour and a half later screaming.  
"Whoa, Whoa hey. Buck, it's alright, you are in the palace in Wakanda, you're here, you are okay, you are not the soldier, you're with Steve." he whispers as he combs his fingers through Bucky's hair and calms him down. Natalia busts in the room seconds later with a gun and Clint half asleep but bow and arrowed up anyways.  
"What happened? Who died?" Nat yells and stops in her tracks at the sight of one James Barnes being cuddled by Captain America.  
"Just a nightmare, he's okay, right buck?" Steve says it all in a hushed voice.  
"Yeah, it's okay, I'm okay." he tells Natalia.  
"That's great James, a lie but great." she clicks her gun of safety and puts it in the waistband of her leggings.  
"Y'all wanna go have a movie night with us, Wanda, Vis, Scott, Sam and Shuri if she isn't too busy."  
"That sounds like fun, what do you think Steve?" he nods so they get up and follow Nat and Clint into the living room where Wanda, Vision, Scott, and Shuri already are, all in pj's. 

They watch Harry Potter, Bucky read the books but Steve didn't even know it existed. They cuddle on the couch next to Clint and Natalia who are also cuddling, odd two assassins cuddling next to Captain America and the Winter Soldier who are also cuddling. Vision is sitting away from Wanda looking stiff as a board, he hasn't told her Bucky guesses, Sam is watching the movie and eating popcorn and Scott, well Scott is snoring, Shuri is sitting criss crossed on the floor watching the movie. He could get used to this he thinks as Steve runs his hand through his hair. Steve doses off during the third movie so Bucky shakes him lightly and gets him to bed. He pulls a blanket over him and grabs Steve's tablet. He looks up "what is it like if you're gay in 2016?" he finds articles and tumblr posts informing him that there is a community and it's called the LGBT community and he's- he's part of it. He isn't bisexual, he always knew he didn't like dames like he liked Steve. Speaking of, Steve moves around and his scrunches his nose, it's late now so he puts the tablet down and cuddles up next to Steve. He falls asleep happy and hopes he doesn't have nightmares.

His eyes flutter open the next day to find blue ones looking down at him.  
"G'morning." He smiles sleepily and buries his head into Steve's chest. Steve runs his hands through his hair, he exhales happily.  
"Why didn't we ever do this?" he asks looking up.  
"Wasn't safe Buck."  
"Is it now?" he sounds like a scared little kid.  
"Yea, being gay is okay now, there's still some homophobic people out there but we're super soldiers, I think we can handle them."  
"Yeah? So what you're a gay icon now?"  
"Bi but yeah i guess." he makes a quiet little content humming noise. "You didn't have any nightmares last night."  
"Oh my god, you're right, I didn't, that hasn't happened in so long." He smiles and Steve kisses his temple.  
"I need a shower, I'll be back." Steve pecks him on the mouth and goes to shower. He flips on the TV and pulls up you-tube. He's gonna see what Jenna Marbles has posted recently, he thinks she's hilarious and ad and the dogs are adorable. He falls asleep watching the podcast and wakes up an hour later to find Steve with wet hair, sketching. He lays his head on Steve's thigh and looks up at him.  
"Why didn't you wake me?"  
"Didn't think you'd hold still long enough for a sketch." he shows him the sketch of him sleeping. It looks so much like him, god he loves Steve's art.

"What are we gonna do after this? It's not like we can live in Wakanda forever." he hopes the answer will be New York.  
"I was thinking, we call Tony and we fix all this and we go home. Tony has an avengers compound we can probably live at or we can all try to convince him to reinstate the Avengers tower."  
"Steve, I'm not an Avenger." Steve sighs.  
"I'm afraid none of us are Buck, but maybe, just maybe we can fix that." he nods and gets comfortable again. Only for his stomach grumbling to interrupt him.  
"Well shit I didn't even realize I was hungry, you wanna go get some-" he checks his watch to find it already being 1." well lunch apparently."  
"Sure then we gotta go down to Shuri's lab." They get out of bed and get dressed, Bucky wearing Steve's clothes again and they head to the kitchen between their room and their friends rooms. They find Clint and Wanda talking in sign language, Wanda isn't very good so she must be learning. He gets a cup of coffee and a banana and goes to sit across from them as Steve starts to make waffles, the only waffle iron is a Captain America one, Shuri must've done that.  
-So you and Natalia?- he signs at Clint who looks very surprised.  
-Why do you know sign language?-  
-Had a deaf handler once, had to talk to to the bitch so- Clint snorts at that.  
-Yea me and Nat go way back, she's annoying and could kill me with her pinky but I love her. What about you and the Captain?-  
-loved his stubborn ass since the 40's, don't think I can stop if i tried too.-  
-Y'all are fucking gross.- Wanda signs at them, making them giggle.  
"Are you talking trash about Tony again?"  
"No dumbass." Clint chimes in. Steve shrugs and brings four plates of waffles over.  
"So what were you talking about?" Steve asks as he sits next to him.  
"Who got laid last night." Wanda smacks him. and says something in Sokovian.  
"She says 'don't talk with food in your mouth you nasty ass.'" Clint, Wanda, and Steve gape at him.  
"What? I know a lot of languages." Clint decides to test him with this during the whole meal, asking him things in Russian, Japanese, Spanish, French and Arabic. He knows them all and answers until Clint runs out of languages he knows. Clint asks him what he thinks of Steve in Russian and Nat walks in, sweaty from the gym.  
"Hi James." she says in Russian and plants a kiss on Clint's temple.  
"Natalia." he nods.  
"You kept your promise."  
"What promise?" Clint asks in English, they ignore him.  
"Well I had to keep Steve out of trouble and I wanted to know what happened to little widow."  
"We've missed you James, it's good to have you back." he nods and looks over to see Clint in a state of shock.  
"You two knew each-other?"  
"Mhm, remember I told you a man infiltrated the Red Room and set us all free?" Clint nods, still shocked. "Yes well that man was James."  
"You're fucking kidding." Steve says. Wanda smacks him.  
"Language, Captain!" he looks unimpressed at that.  
"You, young lady, have spent too much time around Clint if he's told you that story." Clint holds his hands up.  
"Wasn't me Cap." he glances at Natalia.  
"Nat! Really!"  
"What? That was hilarious! I have to impart my wisdom on somebody." They laugh and talk the rest of the meal.

On the way to Shuri's lab Steve pushes him against a wall and kisses him.  
"What was that for?"  
"Trying to be friends with them." he smiles and laughs at that.  
"Honey, anyone who protects you is someone I wanna know." Steve kisses him again and they make their way down to the lab.  
"Ah, my favorite old men!" Shuri greets them when they walk in.  
"Princess." he nods at her, he loves Shuri and she's quickly becoming like a little sister to him.  
"Broken white boy." Steve snorts. "I just need to do a quick check up and then you can get back to whatever it is two old ass super-soldiers" do on their days off." he nods and sits on the table, Steve in a chair next to it. Shuri examines him and says he is fine. She asks if the PTS has affected him yet, Steve tells her he had nightmares, he isn't gonna let Bucky lie.  
"That is expected for what you've been through, after we remove the words I will be able to prescribe you anti anxiety and depression meds. No doctor in America will be taking care of you, broken white boy that is my job now. Also I am working on a prototype for a new arm, come tomorrow to test it." he smiles and thanks her. They leave and go hang out with Natalia and Clint.

The rest of the week is nice, he gets to know everyone better, he gets to wake up every day to Steve, and Natalia and Wanda teach him some hairstyles. He doesn't want to cut his hair he quite likes it long, he didn't used to get to choose and he didn't care then. This last Tuesday Shuri made him a new arm, vibranium and it was beautiful and light and it didn't hurt like the other one did. Today was Saturday and tomorrow Wanda will go into his head and get rid of the trigger words, he doesn't really understand how it'll work but he trusts Wanda so he is okay with it. He hasn't had the best week mental health wise, he's had panic attacks, forgotten who he was, and he's had nightmares but Steve is incredibly patient and helped him calm down. Right now he is making waffles in the kitchen, his hair in a very messy bun, some of Steve's sweatpants, a shirt and socks, he looks like the poster child of domesticity. Steve comes in and hugs him from behind, his chin on Bucky's shoulder and mumbles something incoherent into his shoulder. "Hmmm?" "I said you smell good." "You're a dork." Steve just plants a kiss on his cheek and begins to sway them. "Aw, two 100 year old men are dancing in the kitchen, that's, well, weird." Sam says from the table they didn't know he was at. "Is that because your jealous of our loooooove?" Steve teases him. Sam flicks him off and he snorts. "You want a waffle or not Wilson?" he gets a glare but a nod following. He plates the waffle he was making and puts it just far enough away from Sam he has to get up to reach it. "Bullying the bird man are we James?" Wanda magics the plate so Sam can reach it. "Maybe a bit. To be fair he wouldn't move his seat up." Sam shoots him the finger. The rest of the morning goes good, he feeds everyone including Shuri, talks with Natalia about the girls they freed, and when they're all done eating he and Steve go back to the room and just chill. He grabs a shower first and then hops on the bed with Steve. "Hey Steve?" he's been waiting a few days to ask this since Natalia called Clint her boyfriend. "Yea?" he gulps, he doesn't know why he's nervous. "Are we boyfriends?" he says extremely quiet. "Do you want to be?" he nods. "Then of course." Steve pulls him in for a kiss. "You know Becca's still alive?" Steve nods. "Yeah I saw her after aliens came from a hole in the sky and nearly destroyed New York. She's got kids and grand-kids, they're very sweet and took to calling me Uncle Steve." "She knew?" Steve exhales and kisses his temple. "Apparently people who didn't hate us for it, saw it. She talked to me one day after you shipped out but before I did, told me I better go after you because a love like that doesn't come every day, so I did. I wanted to go anyways and you being in that war started somethin in me. I was little then but I needed to try and protect you." They don't have to go see Shuri today so they lay in bed all day and watch TV. They're watching Brooklyn 99 again, he thinks Rosa is the best and Steve weirdly enough likes Gina. The episode they're on today features Captain Holt's husband. He shoots up to sit when they say husband. "Steve! Those men are married!" "Yeah, Buck i thought you knew it was okay to be gay now." "Yes, but I didn't know gay people could get married!" he's so excited he could scream. "Back in like 2015, Obama, bless the man made same sex marriage legal." he smiles, he knew who Obama was and liked him, now he liked him a lot more. He sighs and lays back down so Steve can go back to playing with his hair. He goes and works out after two more episodes, joined by Natalia five minutes after he starts punching a bag, ties her hair up and gives him a hair-tie too. He ties his hair up and goes back to punching. "Are you ready for tomorrow, James?" she asks in Russian. "Maybe a bit nervous, but I trust Wanda, Shuri, and Vis." she nods and goes to the treadmill. Sam and Clint come in maybe ten minutes later and start sparring. After they've all worn themselves out they go to the kitchen to find an odd sight, it's Vision and Wanda dancing as water boils on the stove. Clint coughs and they break apart. "Hello! I'm teaching Vis here to make paprikash, last time he almost burned Tony's kitchen down." Vision glares at her. "That, my friends, is an exaggeration. Now, someone go get Steve, Scott, Shuri and the king if he can make it." He goes to get Steve, Sam to get Scott, and Nat and Clint get the royal siblings. They meet back five minutes later, he and Steve enter last because Steve's greeting was, well, enthusiastic. They all sit around the table and talk for a few minutes while Wanda and Vision, but mainly Wanda finishes the paprikash. Wanda magics bowls and silverware to the table while Vision brings the pot the the center of the table. Clint goes to reach for the ladle in the dish but Wanda slaps his hand. She magics Sam's bowl close to the pot and red wisps envelop the ladle and serves the soup, she does this for all of them and Vision explains she's been using any chance she gets to advance her magic through practice. They eat and talk, it's very fun and feels like family. They watch a movie after dinner, it's called The Princess Bride and Shuri tells them T'challa loved this movie when he was a boy, he just nods and laughs with the rest of them. He starts to doze on Steve's shoulder close to the end of the movie, he hears Steve tell them it's time for these old men to go to bed, they say goodnight and head to their room. Bucky falls on the bed as soon as he's close enough, his workout clothes still on, Steve laughs. "C'mon hun, you need to shower." "Can't, I'm already asleep." he can almost hear Steve roll his eyes and turns onto his back. "Sure you wouldn't rather do something else?" he waggles his eyebrows suggestively and Steve rolls his eyes and walks into the bathroom. "I'm showering!" he gets up and goes to join him, they go to bed happy after their shower. He wakes up at 3 am to go to the bathroom and finds he can't sleep after that, he's scared for tomorrow. "Buck?" Shit. He must've woken Steve. "Hm?" "Why are you awake?" he doesn't say anything for a moment. "I'm scared, Steve." he nearly whispers. "I know, I am too and you need to sleep." Bucky just nods and gets back in bad, cuddled up with Steve, he doesn't know if he's ready for what's coming.


	7. Well deserved happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> love is the easy part, what comes after is difficult especially if you're a semi stable, one hundred year old, ex assassin, super-solider with ptsd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> set morning after last chapter

"NO!" the shout rips from his throat.He witnessed a knife being driven through Steve's stomach, it must be laced with poison because Steve crumples. The woman with the knife takes off her mask, one that looked like his winter solider mask to reveal Natalia. He can't look her in the eyes, he rushes to Steve and cradles his head. Steve smiled weakly at him.  
"When you gotta go, you gotta go." His eyes slid shut and he went limp in Bucky's arms.  
"No, no, no this can't be happening. Stevie you gotta wake up, please. Please Steve. I love you." he feels tears slipping down his cheeks without his permission.  
"Natalia, what have you done?"  
"Who is Natalia?" The little widow smiles at him but a bang interrupts whatever she was about to say, a bullet rips through her chest and she falls.  
"NO!" He screams again and tries to catch her, she's dead before she hits the floor. He looks up to find the culprit to see, himself, no a ghost of himself, he sees the Winter Soldier.  
"NO!" shooting up in his shared bed with Steve, his cheeks wet and he finds himself shaking,  
"Bucky?" Upon seeing his state he whispers, "Oh no." and louder; "Bucky, hey you're alright." He hesitantly reaches out to touch Bucky's shoulder but before he can Bucky turns and crashes into him, gripping on for dear life. Steve just holds him and rubs his back until he can breathe evenly and the sobs subside.  
"Do you want to tell me what it was about?" Sometimes when Bucky wakes from a nightmare he is hostile, can't be touched, doesn't want to talk and other times, like tonight he grips onto Steve and can't let go, he finds talking helps him them. He nods against Steve's chest and Steve lays them down, Bucky's head still resting on his chest and his hand running through his hair, a move he's learned calms Bucky down.  
"You died, someone stabbed you and it was laced with poison or something, and it- it" his voice breaks on this and he sobs. He breathes for a moment. "I looked up at her, the woman who stabbed you and it was Natalia, but not our Natalia, she was brainwashed, a Winter Soldier. Then-" he exhales. "Then someone shot and killed her before I could save her and when I looked up at the shooter, it was me, but not me now. It was him, the asset." He whispers the last word, afraid of it.  
"I'm so sorry Buck, it'll be okay I promise, me and Nat are alive." He doesn't believe him as much as he wants to but nods and snuggles closer, suddenly feeling the exhaustion set back in. They fall asleep like that and he does not have another nightmare that night.

His eyes flutter open to find Steve still asleep and snoring a little. How did he ever get so lucky? Nearly eighty years ago he never could've imagined this being a reality, he thought he'd either die in the war or find a dame to settle down with even if being without Steve would've shattered his heart. He kisses Steve's forehead, knowing he was either faking being asleep or just dozing. He found a smile on Steve's lips and kissed him then. His eyes fluttered open and he sighed contentedly.  
"G'morning Jerk." He snorted at that.  
"Morning Punk. You sleep well?"  
"Mhm. Can we stay in bed all day?" He huffs a laugh, he's not really looking forward to today.  
"No, we gotta get me fixed up remember?" He kisses his nose and shoves him out of bed. He hears a groan and smiles, Steve is such a damn queen sometimes.  
"You scoundrel." He gets up off the bed and stretches, popping his back.  
"C'mon lets go to breakfast, it's Sam's turn to cook so we gotta get there before Clint and Scott eat all the pop-tarts." He walks out of the room knowing Steve will follow.  
"Fuck you Barnes!"  
"Language Rogers!" another groan, after Clint and Natalia told him that story Steve's never lived it down. He hears Steve jog to catch him up to him, smacking his butt when he does. They go to breakfast, laugh, smile and talk with their friends. Maybe today will be good after all. 

A few hours later after a shower and a workout with Clint, who was annoying but was really growing on him, found him in Shuri's lab holding Steve's hand and listening to Wanda, Shuri and Vision talk about what was about to happen. Shuri gives him a hospital dress, unlike any he's ever seen before so he changes and sits on the hospital bed. Steve gets up from his seat and goes to sit next to him, holding his hand and kissing his knuckles.  
"You think it'll be okay?"  
"I know it will be. Shuri and Vision are very smart and Wanda is very skilled." He nods and leans his head against Steve's shoulder.  
"Bucky?" He looks up to see Shuri in a doctors coat.  
"Princess."  
"Are you ready?" He nods and kisses Steve, soft, and gets up to follow Shuri. She brings him to a room with a bed, rolling chair and a monitor with wires. He shivers a bit but goes to sit on the bed anyways. Wanda comes in wearing scrubs, he thinks they're called, probably for hygiene.  
"James, Is it alright if i put you to sleep? It will be easier to work on an unconscious mind." He nods but before he lays down he has to say something,  
"Wanda, I get nightmares, bad ones that make me violent please don't let me lash out and hurt you or the princess." She nods and lightly pushes his shoulder down so he is laying down.  
"You cannot hurt me James but I will keep away the nightmares and protect Shuri." He nods and allows himself to close his eyes, he feels a tickling on his temples and everything goes blank. 

He opens his eyes to find him sitting on the floor in a room with black walls, ceiling and floor and a single light bulb hanging from the center of the ceiling. He pulls the cord to turn it on and gasps at what he sees. The walls are covered in scratches, like a beast had been set loose in it. This is his mind he realizes, or a corner of it at least. He walks away from the wall to see that the scratches formed words. He started reading them, he found it to be his life story, he realizes he existed around Steve the entire period of his life up until that train.  
"James." He hears Wanda say. He turns around to find her materializing with wisps of red.  
"Wanda. What's going on?"  
"I am removing your trigger words and I must ask, would you like me to rid you of the memories of those the Winter Soldier was made to kill?" he shakes his head and smiles sadly.  
"Whether I like it or not the Winter Solider was who I was. I regret taking their lives but I do not want to forget them, I cannot honor them if i do. That burden is mine to bare but thank you." She nods and disappears with wisps of red. He sits on the floor and reads his story more until he reaches his memory of going into the room. He is a little bored now and without meaning to he conjures Becca.  
"Becca?" she nods, smiling.  
"It's been too long Bucky. I miss you."  
"I miss you too but I can't come see you, not yet. Me and Steve and his friends, we're wanted criminals in America you've gotta know. You always used to love the news I'm assuming you do now." She nods and smiles sadly.  
"You need to listen to Steve, speak to Tony Stark, work things out, and come home." she reaches out and grabs his hand like he used to for her.  
"Becca, I-I killed his parents and Steve almost killed him to protect me. I don't know if he could ever forgive us."  
"James Buchanan Barnes. I know you have a lot of guilt from what you did but you must know, you are a victim of brainwash and abuse. You tell that Tony Stark that he doesn't have to forgive you but you have a right to apologize. You love New York and always have, and I miss my brother." He nods and leans his head on her shoulder.  
"I miss you too Becks, I'll try to come home." She nods and snakes her arm around his shoulder. He falls asleep like that and his eyes flutter open to find a white ceiling.  
"Buck?" He lets out a sigh of relief, Steve's here. He tries sitting up but a warm comforting hand on his shoulder pushes him down.  
"Easy Tiger, the princess said you're head is gonna hurt for a while and you gotta take it easy." he groans.  
"How easy?" he waggles his eyebrows suggestively making Steve flush red.  
"I'm in love with an idiot."  
"Honestly, after seeing to James' mind I can absolutely say, he is an idiot but a very intelligent idiot." Wanda said from the doorway neither of them saw her enter. He huffs a laugh at that, trying to ignore his throbbing headache but winces anyways. Steve looks concerned but keeps his mouth shut, he can't say the same for Wanda.  
"I'm going to go tell Shuri you're awake and in need of pain meds."  
"Wanda n-" before he finishes she disappears with red wisps in her trail. "Where the hell did she learn to do that?"  
"Vision has been helping her learn new things with her magic, how to concentrate it more and how to do more difficult things I think." he nods and winces. Steve sympathetically reaches out and holds his hand, rubbing his thumb over Bucky's knuckles, it's a small thing Steve does that always manages to make him feel better. He takes his hand away and reaches to run his fingers through Steve's hair.  
"You ever think about growing this out?" Steve chuckles and plucks his hand from his hair, kissing his knuckles.  
"Maybe, think you'd like it?"  
"Mhm and maybe a beard too." He gets an eye roll at that.  
"You tryin to turn me into you Barnes?"  
"Not really, I was thinking about shaving my beard and growing my hair even longer."  
"White Wolf, lay the fuck back down!" Shuri came in and yelled at him, he didn't even realize he'd sat up and winces at the loud noise.  
"Shit sorry." He laid back down, softly but winced as he did anyways.  
"Steven you must not let him be like this when we send him home with you." Shuri scolded and Steve nodded. She handed him two pills and a glass of water and proceeded to explain to him that he needed to be on bed rest for two days and then for the next two only leave his room for meals and after that he can start going back to normal and take pain meds as needed. Wanda asked Steve and Shuri to leave and let her speak to him alone.  
"James, I was able to remove the words and I wanted to tell you I think it is very brave not taking the opportunity to forget them." He smiles.  
"I think you should listen to her." he quirks his eyebrow up in confusion.  
"Rebecca. You imagined her telling you to fix it with Tony and go home, I agree. New York is your home, all of our homes now. We can get the team together and convince Tony to move us all in the Avengers Tower." He nods.  
"Steve wants to go back I know but Natalia will need convincing."  
"Yes, so will about everyone else except maybe vision, I know he misses Stark terribly." He smiles and motions for her to come closer, he hugs her.  
"Thank you for helping me Wanda."  
"Of course James." She smiles, nods and goes to get Steve to help him back to their room. He tries to get up and change but feels dizzy and has to lay back down, this next week is gonna suck ass.

Steve helps him shimmy into sweatpants, a hoodie and socks. He ties his hair up, wheels him down to their room and lifts him onto the bed.  
"Hmm, Stevie you're so pretty." This makes Steve chuckle. "Why you laugh at me?"  
"Because you're high sweetie."  
"I am not! I have never been so insulted in my life. I am a very dignified human person how dare you!" Steve looks unimpressed.  
"Okay, okay maybe I'm a little bit high," he admitted and rolled over to face away from Steve.  
"Aw cmon Buck, don't be so stubborn." Steve crawled into bed behind him and cuddled him so he was the little spoon.  
"You're a butt-face."  
"You're cute when you're high."  
"You're gay when you're cute."  
"Buck, I'm always gay."  
"Shut up." he rolled over and buried his face into Steve's chest. "Can we watch TV?" he mumbled into his chest.  
"Sure. 99?" all he got from that was an affirmative grunt. He flips on the TV and kisses the top of Bucky's head.  
"Stevie?" it's barely loud enough to hear.  
"Yeah Buck?"  
"I wanna marry you."  
"You're high, go to sleep."  
"I am high and tired but I do wanna ma-" he cuts himself off with a yawn. "marry you."  
"Okay, go to sleep u stubborn old man."  
"You're a stubborn old man." Bucky mumbled into his chest and fell off to sleep. He has no nightmares during his nap and woke up around 5 to his stomach grumbling and Steve watching something on TV while playing with his hair.  
"Fuuuuuuuuuccckkk." he groaned, his meds had worn off he guessed.  
"Morning sleeping beauty." Steve whispered.  
"Fuck you."  
"Shuri said you can't for a week." he squints and flicks him off. His stomach grumbles really loud and he groans. Steve chuckles, the asshole.  
"I'm gonna go get you some leftover pasta and your meds." he lifts Bucky's arm off from where it was slung across his waist and leans down to press a kiss onto his cheek. He groans and rolls over burying his head in his pillow. He feels like absolute shit so he closes his eyes and waits for Steve who comes back like twenty minutes later.  
"Honey? You awake?" he groans in response. "Fucking drama queen."  
"Language Rogers." he mutters making Steve chuckle.  
"Cmon baby you gotta sit up to eat." Bucky just grunts, he can practically hear Steve roll his eyes. He tries to sit up but gets dizzy and gives up. Steve lifts him, bridal style and gets him settled with cushions behind his back and a tray on his lap.  
"I ever tell you I love you Rogers?"  
"Does proposing while you're high count?" Bucky quirks his eyebrow up, he'd forgotten he said that and just shrugs. He eats the pasta, drinks his water and takes his medicine with Steve sitting on the chair next to the bed eating his own meal. He feels bad Steve is going to take care of him this whole week.  
"You know we can probably get a nurse to take care of me instead of having you waste your time." Steve drops his fork making Bucky flinch, his medicine hasn't kicked in yet.  
"Sorry just, what the fuck is wrong with you? Taking care of the love of my life is not a waste of my time." Bucky looks down and pushes what's left of his pasta around on his plate until Steve sighs and sets his plate down.  
"You have to have better things to do than babysitting a broken ex assassin." Steve clambered over onto the bed in front of him taking his face in his hands.  
"James Buchanan Barnes when are you going to understand that I love you and you are so much more than a broken ex assassin. You are sweet and amazing and you deserve the world, the least I can do is take care of you after you have magic surgery." He feels a tear fall down his cheek. Steve pulled him closer into a hug letting him cry into shoulder.  
"I'm sorry." he whispers.  
"It's okay, it's okay, it's okay." Steve whispers into his hair. He pulls back and kisses him soft and chaste. "I promise you're gonna be okay, we're gonna be okay." Steve moves away the dishes, helps Bucky change into something cooler because he knows Bucky likes a lot of blankets, and gathers him up into his arms and lays them down to sleep, flipping off the TV.  
"I don't feel okay. I'm sorry if I'm a burden Stevie." but Steve shushes him.  
"You could never be a burden and I know you don't feel okay but that's gonna be okay one day too." he just sighs and buries his face in Steve's chest, tangling his legs with Steve's and interlacing their fingers. Before he drifts off he kisses Steve's chin and tells him he loves him. He falls asleep listening to his boyfriends heartbeat. He wakes up shaking and crying at three a.m. and he grips onto Steve who wakes up and rubs his back until he calms down. They fall back to sleep with only one nightmare interrupting their sleep.

He opens his eyes to find a dark room, Steve asleep next to him and a full bladder. He gets up out of bed and uses the wheelchair Shuri made him take as a crutch to stay up right and uses the bathroom. He spares a look at himself in the mirror wincing at what he sees, which is a broken man with tired eyes and dirty hair. He barely recognizes himself and goes back to the room to find Steve sitting up now, awake.  
"Morning Sleepyhead." he whispers as he scuffs back over to the bed making Steve smile. He climbs back in and lies his head on Steve's lap.  
"What time is it, love?"  
"No idea, check your phone." so Steve does and gasps making Bucky sit up in confusion.  
"Tony. It's Tony, he called me. I- I don't know why."  
"Me neither. Maybe call him tomorrow?"  
"Why not now?" he just smiles and kisses him. "Too tired to ask for forgiveness right now, it's three am if you didn't notice."  
"Right, yeah I'll call him tomorrow. Do you need meds to go back to sleep?" he just shakes his head and lays down. Steve sets his phone down and curls up next to him.  
"Did you mean it?" Steve whispers into his hair.  
"Mean what?"  
"That you want to ask for Tony's forgiveness."  
"Course I did. He's like your family and 'sides I miss New York and my sister." Steve leans down and kisses him, hard.  
"You're amazing you know that?"  
"So I've been told." he kisses Steve's chin and burrows his head into his shoulder. They fall asleep with their legs and fingers tangled together.  
He doesn't dream the rest of the night and he's more than happy with that.

He wakes to his shoulder being lightly shaken, by Steve he assumes.  
"Buck, wake up." he groans and pulls the blanket over his head.  
"Is he always like this in the morning?" he recognizes that voice, it's Shuri.  
"Pretty much." he throws the blanket off then.  
"Fuck you Rogers stop lying to my doctor."  
"Good morning Bucky."  
"Morning, Princess." he smiles and sits up, slowly.  
"I just came to check that you're doing alright, are you?" he nods and winces, she looks unimpressed.  
"Take your meds and I will see you day after tomorrow."  
"Can do, see you." she nods and leaves. He flops back on the bed and groans.  
"Can I go back to sleep?" Steve huffs a laugh at that.  
"No, I love you but you fucking reek." he resists to say language.  
"Thought I was on bed rest. Don't think I should be in there unsupervised." he winks making Steve roll his eyes.  
"You can't do that and you know it."  
"Do what?" he asks innocently.   
"You know exactly what, I'll help you shower but don't go getting any ideas." he smiles at the blush that's settled itself on Steve's cheeks.  
"Alright, alright I won't I promise." he concedes, he doesn't need Shuri pissed at him anyways. He sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed waiting for Steve to help him. He does and puts his arm around Bucky's waist, supporting him and helping him walk to the bathroom. He opens the door and gets him out of his pj's and starts the water. He helps him shower and showers himself, he dries them off and wraps a towel around his waist to go get them clothes. They get dressed and Steve helps him back to bed and flips on the TV. Maybe being taken care of for a week won't be so bad.


End file.
